I'm gonna hide out all night...

Close my curtain, and dim my lights. I'm gonna lay here alone, close my eyes, and wish for home....

I've wasted a good portion of tonight brooding.

So there I was, pretty okay, sitting in front of the computer screen. The person that I had been chatting with left, so I was staring at the screen when it hit me. I was sad. I didn't know why, and I didn't know how, but I was fucking sad.

I typed, "I feel sad and it kind of sucks." Into the IM that I had had with my friend and sent it, getting her away message. And then I cried. You know those hot tears that just bubble over and there's no stopping them?

Why did I do that? As I'm sitting there, crying, I realize that there's something hurting in my chest. When I became more aware of the fact, it started throbbing and became deeper, and I couldn't control it. And, the worst part is, I think a part of me didn't want to control it.

I went into my room and turned my laptop on to listen to music. This is the End by Straylight Run randomly started playing, and my tears just worsened. I lay there for what seemed like hours, curled up in the dark, with sad music playing. When I finally decided that this was enough, I picked up the phone and tried to call someone. And then someone else. And then another..! And I failed each time.

Which made things feel even worse.

So now, here I am. Cold and shivering at the computer. And why?

I have no fucking idea.