Had a panic attack today. Haven't had one of those since finals week. It felt a lot more panicky than last time, though. Like I couldn't breathe and I didn't feel like I'd ever be okay again. Yeah.
I still don't really feel like I'm going to be okay. It could be because I'm all mood swinging and ragging, but what the fuck ever. It's not entirely my body's fault. I just wish that I could stop feeling, that I could just flip a switch and be happy non-stop. I wish that I had never felt these feelings, that things were the same as they used to. But they're not, and I can't make it quit. I want my brain to stop it.
I want to be worth more, so maybe I'd have a chance.
It's not fair. Can't I switch lives with someone else? Can't someone want me, for once? Someone who isn't a creepy jewel worker that sends me creepy lyrics through texts?
Fuck, I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I wish that she'd just understand that she's hurting me. Maybe she does know, she just doesn't give a fuck.
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